We’ll begin with my fart.
How does one earn a fart from me? I’ve never thought about this - I just needed something to rhyme with heart – but let’s explore.
A way to my fart is going to be used as a metaphor for, “what actions can you take that will cause me to not give two shits about you.” Hence, I will inevitably walk away, and depending on my previous meals, a fart may or may not slip out, and if it does, know that I feel you deserved every millisecond of walking in that.
1) Look for the negative.
You know who you are. You know what this means. And we all know why you do it! We all have that “Negative Nancy” friend/coworker/whatever who finds the bad in everything, every person, every place, etc. You are this way because you don’t fully love yourself. You make yourself, as well as the world, worse.
2) Die hard sports fan.
You’re an adult and you still let your emotions get controlled by the outcome of an event that you have no say in? To me, this is insanity/pathetic. I’m 27. I understand how sports are played. I’ve been a die hard fan, I then became an adult, realized that the world needs more help, and that sitting on my fat ass yelling at players who couldn’t hear me was stupid and a gigantic waste of time. Seeing grown men act a fool when “their” team loses is very sad to me. It shows me that that man is not a man. Or at least a man that I don’t want to become.
3) Unhealthy/Sedentary lifestyle.
This is sad and you should be ashamed if you’re young, overweight, and ultimately a very unattractive version of yourself. You earn a big loud fart from me because you need to wake up. Life is so much better when you like the way you feel, behave, and look. Stop being a lazy piece of shit.
Now onto a way to my heart. This will be short.
1) You ask good questions.
You ask questions that allow us both to go deeper into our understanding of each other, our relationship, and our other relationships. This is very important to figuring out what to talk about, what advice to offer, what person to introduce you to, etc. The point is that good questions can lead to amazing outcomes.
2) You meditate.
This is crude, but at this point in time I stand behind this: “There are 2 types of people in this world 1) those who meditate and 2) those who don’t. If you do, then you already know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, just do a quick Google search on the benefits. I can go on and on, but I won’t. A great app that you can download free is 10% Happier. That shit will change you.
3) You have a passion.
I think having a passion outside of work and family is extremely important to staying balanced. In this arena you typically push yourself, remain humble, and do because you simply want to do. This is magical to me. Stress often does not live here – accomplishment does. Fear does not live her – triumph does. Other people’s opinions don’t matter here, just your own. This is cool. And people who exude these 3 traits are often much further down the “path of life” than those who get farted on.
I don’t care about who you are today, who you were in the past, or what shit was thrown at you. I care about who you want to be. So after you read this, ask yourself, "did I get Jeremy’s heart or did I get his fart?" And after you figure that out, ask yourself, “is this okay with me.” If it is – stay. If it isn’t – change.